Jeffrey Dahmer killed people because of low self-esteem.
He killed people NOT because he hated them. He killed them because he wanted to be in a relationship where he had extreme control over a person; A person he could be with forever (a result of low self-esteem).
Low self-esteem results in a bunch of problems:
Low self-esteem is linked to violence, school dropout rates, teenage pregnancy, suicide, and low academic achievement (Misetich & Delis-Abrams, 2003).
Low self-esteem has other problems:
Difficulty in expressing needs, saying no, and setting boundaries.
Difficulty with confidence and positive self-image.
Need and focus to appear perfect and always be right
Belief/ fear that they can never fail.
On the other hand, good self-esteem has benefits like:
Less self-criticism, more resilience
More confident, and less likely to feel worthless.
Better stress-handling capacity.
More assertiveness
More authentic and strong relationships, ease to leave toxic relationships.
Self-esteem is important. So how do you develop good self-esteem?
But firstly what is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is how you perceive your worth and abilities.
Is self-esteem external or internal? Is it in your control or not?
Some of it is because of genes and how people treat you, Abraham Maslow believed that respect from others is essential. A good amount is also your own thoughts, beliefs, and how you compare yourself to others.
What’s the difference between self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem?
Self-worth- Your inherent worth as a person. It’s free from external factors.
Self-confidence- The trust in your abilities, skills, and capability to face problems and challenges.
Self-efficacy- It’s self-confidence in a particular field. You could have high self-efficacy in kung fu but low self-efficacy in physics.
Self-esteem is somewhat of a combination of self-worth and self-confidence.
Don’t know how it’s useful but here’s a random fact about self-esteem:
• Adolescent boys with high self-esteem are almost two and a half times more likely to initiate sex than boys with low self-esteem, while girls with high self-esteem are three times more likely to delay sex than girls with low self-esteem (Spencer, Zimet, Aalsma, & Orr, 2002).
Now,
How do you develop high self-esteem?
Actionable steps:
Write down 10 of your weaknesses and 10 of your strengths
Instead of saying ‘I feel like I’m failing’ say ‘Ryan(your name) feels like he’s failing’. This distance created by referring to yourself in the third person will help you evaluate the situation better.
Become more aware of negative thoughts. Challenge these negative thoughts. Practice positive self-talk (man I need to start journalling).
Practice positive visualization (Read: How to Increase Strength With NO Exercise: Power of Visualizing)
Learned to set boundaries, and say no (Read: The Two Letter Word Behind Warren Buffet's Success)
You need to feel like you’re winning, so go after small achievable goals, crush them, and celebrate every win. (Read: Why Confidence Matters More than You Think)
That’s it for this one.
I just wanted to understand a little on how self-esteem works. So I wrote down my understanding
Bye